After a brief hiatus, Saturday Night Live returned this week, boasting host Kristen Stewart—who last took aim at Trump for his bizarre Twitter obsession with her—and musical guest Coldplay, who performed one of the most cursed woo-woo songs I’ve heard in a long time.
And, after a cold open featuring Kate McKinnon’s Elizabeth Warren (one of her better impressions, though the bit lacked any bite), struggling to explain to Iowans how she plans to pay for Medicare for All, the late-night show aired a White House press briefing featuring none other than Kellyanne Conway (again McKinnon).
“It is I, Kellyanne Conway, and if you’re watching this you are going to die in seven days,” she announced. “Mmkay. As you’ve probably noticed, the White House has not held a formal press briefing in eight months. We’ve kept our new press secretary in hiding because our past ones were mocked, humiliated, and forced to regain their dignity on Dancing with the Stars.”
“But today I’m here to celebrate, because today we have killed the leader of ISIS, which, according to the Constitution, means that the impeachment can no longer move forward,” she continued, before introducing “the hero who took down the leader of ISIS: Conan, the K9 commando,” joined by a K9 interpreter, who fielded questions from the White House press corps.
“How does it feel to be getting all the credit for killing Baghdadi?” one reporter asked.
“Honestly, it was a team effort from day one. It’s always been, I sniff your ass, you sniff mine,” offered Conan.
Asked about who won Halloween, the dog said Kylie Jenner, who this year “became Marilyn,” and then proceeded to mock the “janky, fake medal the president put around my neck. It just has a picture of a paw on it. What is that? You don’t give humans a medal with a foot on it!”
With that, Kellyanne returned, saying, “Now, this dog has to meet President Trump—and then he has to testify against President Trump. He was on the Ukraine call too. OK, goodnight.”
Overall, a pretty uninspired pair of political sketches. With all the impeachment news this week, they perhaps should’ve opted for McKinnon’s Pelosi.