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This would get really good really fast.
TRUDEAU vs. KENNEY vs. IVESON
This will be a rare triple-threat match with the leaders of all three levels of government in the ring at the same time.
Kenney and Iveson hammer out a series of very strict rules, but it doesn’t matter because they’re too afraid to have them enforced and the referee got laid off anyway. Besides, no matter what happens, Kenney is NEVER going to admit he’s losing the fight.
Iveson, who doesn’t understand how fighting works, wants it to be a tie so nobody’s feelings are hurt. When asked what his best combination is, Mayor Bikelane replies: “Sound bites and tax hikes.”
Trudeau gets away with something sketchy because he blocks ringside judges from investigating. He is declared the winner because Ontario still isn’t sharp enough to see past the dreamy haircut and colorful socks.
THE ROCK vs. JAMES DOLAN AND DONALD STERLING
Everyone likes a good handicap match. The Rock vs. the guy who ran the New York Knicks into the ground and a racist slumlord who used to own the L.A. Clippers is perfect.
Would it be competitive? No. Would it last long? No. Would it be cool to see Dolan and Sterling get beaten up by The Rock? Exactly.
JAKE PAUL vs. EVANDER KANE
Kane wants a chance to avenge, for some reason, the defeat of a retired slam dunk champion who got knocked cold after agreeing to a high-profile fight, for some reason, without actually knowing how to fight.
Let’s get it on!
Both these dudes know how to throw them and if we are adding anger to the equation, it only ups the entertainment value. It would also be pretty sweet if a hockey player rolled in and laid out Jake Paul like he was a training-camp rookie.